13 Treasures I Found When I Procrastinated Cleaned My Desk Instead Of Writing

1. A Thousand Notebooks. I have a dedicated drawer just for blank notebooks, where I assume they spend all night fucking because there’s no way I bought this many.

2. Mysterious Notes. “P needs to kill the G.N.” “What if [scribble] was a cat-[scribble]?” “More blood.” And a long list of names, most of which are crossed out. I can only assume this is proof that I’m a mind-controlled government assassin.

3. This Thing.

12 Ladies

Uh….

 

4. Four Pairs of Old Glasses. And two pairs of new ones. And that lens that popped out of my old prescription sunglasses. Not found: the sunglasses themselves. Can only assume they’ve become more pens.

5. A Flash Drive Labelled ‘The Tesseract’. This is either the emergency OS reload key I made back when my laptop betrayed me, or Marvel’s going to send a cease-and-desist to my desk drawer.

6. The Last Easter Egg. From 2015. I hope. It tasted like pencil shavings.Thank You For The Coffee

7. $75 in Movie Theatre Gift Cards. Score!

8. 7 Knives. Including four throwing knives, but not including box cutters.

9. These Fucking Pencils.Fucking Pencils

10. Legions of Pens. I never bought these. No one would buy these. Why are they here? Why are you here, pointy interlopers?

11. Two Rupees. Like from India, not Legend of Zelda.

12. PONY ARMY.

Pony Army

You came into the wrong NEIGHbourhood, motherfucker.

13. The Original Outline For the Current Novel. HAHAHAHAHAHA no.

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