10:00: Great time to go to bed if you get up at 6:00 am. Great time for your night owl friends to say “You’re going to bed already? My kids go to bed now.” Also: this is the time my asshole cat starts snorting coke from the stash she almost certainly keep somewhere in the house.
10:30: The time I mean to turn off my light after reading for half an hour.
11:42: The time you check the clock again.
11:45: I have to be up at what time?
11:47: The time I actually turn off my light.
11:52: The time I turn the light back on to finish that chapter.*
12:18: The time I turn off the light for real this time.
12:23: The time I start mentally revising my latest story.
12:42: You know what would make this story awesome? Robots.
12:43: No, dinosaurs.
12:44: No, robot dinosaurs.
12:45: Did I just pitch Transformers 3 to myself?
12:46: Get back on track. That story’s not going to fix itself.
1:07: I wish this story would fix itself.
1:14: Balls, I need to get some sleep. Okay. Enough story bullshit. I can think about that tomorrow. Right now, it’s sleep time.
1:22: I SAID SLEEP TIME, ASSHOLE CAT.
1:38: *Actually asleep*
3:49: HOLY BLAZING SHIT CANNONS, THAT DREAM FIXES THE STORY PERFECTLY. I MUST WRITE THIS BRILLIANT IDEA DOWN BEFORE SLEEP RETURNS IT TO WHATEVER WONDERLAND IT CAME FROM. *taps excitedly on phone*
4:01: *asleep again*
4:45: Asshole Cat begins the Face-Biting Tapdance of her people, and I wake up with fang prints on my nose.
5:13: I regret not getting a dog.
5:15: I get up to pee. Asshole Cat accompanies me, because peeing is a team sport.
5:19: Asshole Cat is adorable, and I take back what I said about getting a dog.
5:20: Why is there a note about wombat combat pilots on my phone?
5:21: WOMBAT COMBAT, ahahahah, you kill me, sleeping brain.
5:22: *asleep again*
6:02: God, I should check those notes from last night….Yep, just as I thought. Wombat combat, something about the Illuminati and….hey. This one’s not bad. It might even work. All I have to do is…
6:03: Crank up the writing engines and put on the motherfucking coffee, because it’s a new day and I’ve got writing to do!
*If you share a bed, this is followed by 11:53: The time your bed mate asks what the hell is wrong with you.