Here it is: the first day of summer. Look at those glorious days stretching out before you, filled with sunshine*, pool parties**, and hot people in swimsuits***.
Using the powers granted to me by a dark god who shall remain nameless until such a time as the world domination plan is complete, I have peered into the future. I have seen the first half of your writing summer. Let’s take a look at how it goes…
Day 1: Revel in the longer days. More daylight means more time to get stuff done, like that story you’ve been thinking about. You’re going to knock it out of the park this summer!
Day 2: Decide that in order to knock it out of the park, you should actually be at a park instead of staying inside working at your computer. This is what notebooks are for!
Day 4: Notebook gets stolen by a Labrador who doesn’t seem to realize he’s chewing on a masterpiece.
Day 7: Start a new notebook. Write with a firm, decisive hand. So much better than working on a soulless machine.
Day 11: Accidentally glue your new notebook pages together with sunscreen and spilled beer. Upon prying the pages apart, you discover that, while your pen is waterproof, it is not beer-proof. Sadly, few things are.
Day 14: Go away for the weekend sure in the knowledge that a change of scenery will make those creative juices flow. Realize upon arrival that your third notebook is at home on top of the fridge.
Day 15: Start scrawling notes on the back of the creepy manuscript you found buried in the dresser of the old cabin where you’re staying. Stop when you realize the manuscript is bound in human skin.
Day 20: Actually get happy when it rains because now you have an excuse to stay inside and write.
Day 21: Another rain day! More writing!
Day 22: All right, that’s enough rain. Time to play video games because you’re out of words.
Day 23: Seriously? Still raining?
Day 24: For fuck’s sake. You’re going to fucking drown if you don’t get some sunshine over here.
Day 25: The sun god is dead. The rain god killed him.
Day 26: Awaken to what might be a lighter spot in the oppressive cloud cover. Maybe. You’re not sure. Better stay inside and play video games until—wait, there’s sun! Sun! Glorious sun! Go outside and rejoice!
Day 28: Realize that summer is almost half over and you’ve barely gotten anything done. Panic.
Day 29: Have another BBQ and get over it.
Day 31: Decide that you deserve a summer off. No writing. Just relax and let your batteries recharge. Yeah. That’s a better plan. To hell with it.
Day 32: Wake up in the middle of the night with the best. Idea. Ever. You have to start writing this right fucking now. This summer is going to be amazing!
*Maybe. I still don’t control the weather.
**Only if you have a pool. Otherwise, look forward to ‘bugging your neighbour who has a pool for use of it.’
***With variance on ‘hot’.