Five Characters That I’m Fucking Sick Of

Moody

I tried being nice once. It was awful. (Photo credit: andrewrennie)

1) Moody Guy. Wanders through the pages being angsty and, you know, damaged, but never actually does anything to address these qualities. Like see a therapist, or occasionally think of someone other than himself. Despite these detriments, he will unerringly attract anyone with more than a whiff of estrogen about them. We are led to believe that there’s a nice guy lurking somewhere underneath, but letting him out just hurts too damn much.

2) Awkward Guy. Usually a supporting character, often The Friend of either The Moody Guy or The Girl. In the case of the former, he’s the loveable but silly best mate who jollies his dour friend along, though we have no idea why he hangs around with the depressing bastard to begin with. In the case of the latter, he’s the guy who moons over The Girl and will never, ever get to be with her.

3) The Girl. That’s all she is, because that’s all she has to be. She just stands around having boobs and a vag and that’s somehow enough. People tend to point her out as evidence of inclusion. As in, “Look, we’ve put a girl* in the story. And she’s surrounded by all these sketchy-yet-cool people and can somehow keep up with them despite having no abilities or personality. That makes her a strong female character, right?”
Funnily enough, her obvious lack of any definable characteristics can continue even when she’s the protagonist.

4) The Authority. Parents in teen novels, bosses or superiors or occasionally parents in adult. Only come in two flavours: the Monolithic And Controlling or the Clueless And Embarrassing.

5) The Token. The friend who is very pointedly not an able-bodied, cisgendered, Caucasian male who fits into standardized patterns for behaviour and appearance. The details vary; the purpose does not. They exist to be different. But, you know, in a cool way.

Seriously, is it just me?

*Always referred to by the diminutive ‘girl’ instead of ‘woman’ no matter what age she happens to be.

 

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12 thoughts on “Five Characters That I’m Fucking Sick Of

  1. I only read the first three chapters of 50 shades before returning the book, (something I’ve never done before because, until that point, I thought even the worst story is worth donation) but I am pretty sure the main character was #3.

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