WordPress lets me see how people found this blog. If they found it using a search engine, it shows me what they entered in order to wind up at my slightly derelict corner of the internet. It’s not only informative, as it helps me tailor content to what people are actually looking for, it’s also highly entertaining.
So, here’s some of the more memorable requests, questions, and terms that have led people to me. I can only hope I can deliver what they’re looking for. But on the off chance that I don’t, I’ll make an effort to fulfill these requests now:
Bare knuckle writer
Yay! You won at Google-fu! This page is exactly what you’re looking for!
Hm. Well, I can see how you got here, what with all those odd pictures I have up, but that’s really not what this is about. Good luck with your search, though.
Weird. Two of them.
…This is a thing now, isn’t it?
Bare sex knuckle
This really isn’t the part of the internet you were looking for. Also, what the fuck is a ‘sex knuckle’? No, never mind. I don’t think I want to know. There are some things you can never un-see.
Correct way of writing a check
Finally, one I can help with. It’s “cheque” in Canada. Glad to be of service.
Handling rejection in a manly way
Bourbon’s in the bottom drawer. Get me one while you’re up, would you?
You will never understand me
Probably not, no. Sorry. Maybe you should try real people?
Submissive man on knee
There must be some very disappointed people arriving at this blog.
What are the seven stages of thought
Easy: coffee, blank stare, more coffee, inspiration, procrastination, doodling, and panic. Optional stage of ‘completion’ for the go-getters.
Where the hell did this chair come from
Chair Fairies. They’re an underestimated problem.
Rabbits yes poop no
…I’ve got nothing.
What are red ants made from
Regular ants that get embarrassed easily. Or someone with a very, very tiny paint brush and a lot of time on their hands.
Caught having sex in the shed
Lock the door next time.
Fucking do not disturb
Told you to lock the goddamn door.
Why is it a bad idea to really labour over your sentences in a zero draft?
I’m glad you asked. Check here. Also: bonus points for complete sentence. Hope you didn’t labour over that one, too.
Pics of sexy women drinking pints
Slow cock reveal
Note to self: think more carefully about my titles.
And my personal favourite search term of all time:
How to make a hate
Oh, honey, come in. I have so much to teach you.