Making Red Ants and Hate: Search Engine Roulette

Wheel of fortune. Shot wide open using 50mm/f1...

The internet is like this, except half the spaces are marked ‘unfortunate porn’. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

WordPress lets me see how people found this blog. If they found it using a search engine, it shows me what they entered in order to wind up at my slightly derelict corner of the internet. It’s not only informative, as it helps me tailor content to what people are actually looking for, it’s also highly entertaining.

So, here’s some of the more memorable requests, questions, and terms that have led people to me. I can only hope I can deliver what they’re looking for. But on the off chance that I don’t, I’ll make an effort to fulfill these requests now:

Bare knuckle writer

Yay! You won at Google-fu! This page is exactly what you’re looking for!

Submissive man.

Hm. Well, I can see how you got here, what with all those odd pictures I have up, but that’s really not what this is about. Good luck with your search, though.

Submissive men

Weird. Two of them.

Naked podium

…This is a thing now, isn’t it?

Bare sex knuckle

This really isn’t the part of the internet you were looking for. Also, what the fuck is a ‘sex knuckle’? No, never mind. I don’t think I want to know. There are some things you can never un-see.

Correct way of writing a check

Finally, one I can help with. It’s “cheque” in Canada. Glad to be of service.

Handling rejection in a manly way

Bourbon’s in the bottom drawer. Get me one while you’re up, would you?

You will never understand me

Probably not, no. Sorry. Maybe you should try real people?

Submissive man on knee

There must be some very disappointed people arriving at this blog.

What are the seven stages of thought

Easy: coffee, blank stare, more coffee, inspiration, procrastination, doodling, and panic. Optional stage of ‘completion’ for the go-getters.

Where the hell did this chair come from

Chair Fairies. They’re an underestimated problem.

Rabbits yes poop no

…I’ve got nothing.

What are red ants made from

Regular ants that get embarrassed easily. Or someone with a very, very tiny paint brush and a lot of time on their hands.

Caught having sex in the shed

Lock the door next time.

Fucking do not disturb

Told you to lock the goddamn door.

Why is it a bad idea to really labour over your sentences in a zero draft?

I’m glad you asked. Check here. Also: bonus points for complete sentence. Hope you didn’t labour over that one, too.

Pics of sexy women drinking pints

Uh…thank you?

Slow cock reveal

Note to self: think more carefully about my titles.

And my personal favourite search term of all time:

How to make a hate

Oh, honey, come in. I have so much to teach you.

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4 thoughts on “Making Red Ants and Hate: Search Engine Roulette

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